Sigh

Who was crazy to try to start this whole thing right smack in the middle of the holidays? Oh, that would be me. Let’s just say this has been a challenge. A MAJOR challenge. I would say that overall it has been a resounding failure and there really isn’t a good excuse.

Had someone tell me today that it looks like I’ve lost weight. I know they were probably being kind and trying to encourage me. But here’s the deal. Wanna know how much I’ve actually lost? 1 pound. ONE. Which I guess is actually pretty good since I have been a complete failure at sticking to this.

I haven’t given up…it’s just taking some time to get on track. I WILL get on track and this WILL happen. I won’t let this continue to beat me. So no worries. I’m determined….if maybe a little slow on the uptake.

One step forward, two steps back

Just a quick little update on how I’m faring in this journey. I’ve had so many people that I’ve run into in person ask me so I figured I would update all of you. Things have been going fairly well. By fairly I mean–one day is good,the next day is a challenge.

Please understand me: I am not being too hard on myself. I am being honest with myself. I have succeeded with flying colors some days while others have been a complete disaster. But the thing is: I didn’t get myself here in a day. I’m not going to fix myself in a day either. It’s a huge learning process and it takes a lot of time to retrain yourself to consistently make good decisions rather than decisions of convenience.

So there it is. I feel like this is a fairly normal part of the journey. You go one step forward and then sometimes take two steps backward. The important part is I am still trying. I know that I will succeed eventually, not from my own efforts but through the grace of God. I thank Him that this is my greatest struggle right now, which is mild in comparison to the hellish circumstances many others are in.

We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light. (‭Colossians‬ ‭1‬:‭11-12‬ NLT)

I’m in the Zone

So I’ve finally made a decision about what “plan” I’m going to use. So many great programs were recommended to me along with many different products. Honestly, it took a couple of days of basically hyperventilating into a paper bag to get around the feeling of being overwhelmed. I decided to meet with my former Crossfit coach, Jacob, who was able to offer a recommendation that I felt I could do.

I decided to go with an option that will basically reteach me how to eat according to correct portions as well as balancing the 3 big components: fats, carbohydrates and proteins. I didn’t feel confident about going on a pre-packaged meal plan. A) I don’t really have that kind of money sitting in my bank account and B) once I come off of those prepackaged deals, I didn’t feel like I would have really learned or trained myself to actually eat better without someone else doing it for me. So I’m going with the Zone “diet” or eating plan.

This particular eating plan is all about balancing what I am eating. Each meal and snack is designed so that I eat healthy carbs, fats and proteins. I am supposed to eat 11 “Blocks” a day, with 1 block consisting of 7 grams protein, 9 grams carbs and 1.5grams of fat. My snacks should stick to 1 block while my meals should consist of 3 blocks.

For example, my snack can consist of the following:

1/2 cup of blueberries=1 carb block

1 oz. turkey brea st= 1 protein block

3 cashews=1 fat block

For breakfast, lunch and dinner, I would have 3 blocks of each, meaning 27 grams of carbohydrates, 21 grams of proteins and 4.5 grams of fat.

It seems like a lot of calculating, but I can see where this is going to teach me about portion control. I went out and bought a kitchen scale and have already used it to weigh out snacks and such. My goal is to have this implemented in full starting this coming Sunday.

The great part about this is that it can totally be adapted for Ray as well. All he has to do is increase the quantity of what we are eating to fit his recommended “Block” allowance. We don’t have to eat different things which is a huge blessing because honestly…

If you’ve ever done the Zone eating plan, I am open to recipes, ideas, etc. So far I’ve been able to really stick to it for snacks and even most breakfast and lunches. It’s going to take some planning, but what doesn’t?

So here we go!

 

I’m hungry…and sometimes hangry

Well, so far this hasn’t been too bad. Do I still want to eat things that are bad for me? Yes. But I have been able to avoid that temptation for the most part. I even hosted an essential oils class last night where my friend Jordan brought her fantastic cookies. I mean this girl has a cookie BUSINESS. Did I partake? No. Did I want to? With flavors such as cinnamon roll and southern spice cookies….Abso-freakin-lutely.  And for the sake of full disclosure, I DID have a piece of chocolate the other day. Bacon-flavored chocolate that we got on our trip to Asheville. Know what is a huge let down? Bacon-FLAVORED something or other when you thought it had ACTUAL BACON in it. Sorry, Kilwins…flavoring and the real stuff are not the same and I was highly disappointed to have wasted those precious calories on something with some bacon flavoring. Gimme the real bacon please. Can I get an Amen?

Anyway, here’s my big struggle right now. I’m using the MyFitnessPal app to track calories and exercise. Now, this app tells me that I should be consuming 1540 calories a day. I don’t know if this is a limit, or if this is what I need to actually burn more calories than I am taking in or what. But ironically, I am having trouble eating enough calories. At this point I am scared to eat ANYTHING. To add to the confusion, it tells me I should be consuming “X” amount of carbohydrates, protein and fats. It is like a high-wire balancing act and so…I just don’t eat. I have been approximately anywhere from 500-800 calories under the 1540. Every day.

I. AM. HUNGRY.

I went to the store and I’ve bought all kinds of fruits, veggies, granola, greek yogurt, egg beaters, coconut milk, etc. I put one thing in my mouth and it’s too much protein. Another thing and it’s too many carbs. Sigh. This is what contributes to the burn out. I can’t figure it all out and so I give up.

I’m not giving up yet…but this sorta stress is what leads me to eat bacon-flavored chocolate. And that, as we have learned, is not good…for my body or my taste buds.

HELP.

Day 2-My First Weekly Change

Some great advice I have been given by a friend of mine, Amy, is to make one change a week. Otherwise it can get too overwhelming. I’ve really been trying to focus on one day at a time. Any time I have tried to do this before, I have gotten lost in the big picture instead of focusing on the little things. Guess I can’t do the same thing and expect different results, amiright?

So I took some time and thought about what I was lacking in the most and of course, the glaring answer was simple: Exercise. Now, it’s not like I’ve never exercised in my life. I just don’t particularly care for it. Growing up I was an athlete, but let’s be real here–I was never the top athlete. In fact I was pretty low on that scale. But I did what I could to get by and at least pretend like I belonged there on the team. (Can’t believe I wasn’t the favorite with all the coaches. Who wouldn’t love to have a kid that basically scooted by?) Anyway, since then I’ve done my bout with Zumba, Crossfit and even clumsily fumbled my way through a yoga/pilates class or two. (Don’t even get me started about how much I should NOT have been there. The bending and stretching…DISASTER.) So, yes, I have tried my hand at exercise. I just haven’t succeeded.

So I’m starting small. I get a 30 minute break at work everyday. For those that don’t know, I work from home. It’s as glamorous as it seems: it entails sitting around in pajamas and/or workout clothing 98% of the time. My goal is to walk 20-25 minutes on my lunch break to start out with. This sounds ridiculously small, but listen: walking around the block is a big deal because basically I’ve done essentially nothing for the past, say, 15 years of my life. When I walk in the door after exercising, I would love to go from this:

to more along the lines of this:

Clearly I have my work cut out for me. Wish me luck.

Day 1–I think I’ve lost my mind

So here I am….posting my weight loss journey for the entire world to see. I really HAVE lost my mind. To face your insecurities in a private manner is a huge task, much less inviting the general public in to witness the crazy. But as anyone that has come in contact with me personally can attest, I’m not one to back down and shy away from speaking my mind, so why should I start now? I know people will look at this and think that I am vying for attention, but I can assure you, that’s not the case. I have started this journey over and over again throughout my life, and have had no success. I have stalled out, lost motivation and reverted back to lazy habits. I have been terrified to show a weakness of mine, despite it being so obvious in my outward appearance. Talking about it makes it real, and I haven’t been ready to face that. But here I am-opening this Pandora’s box, if you will. My hope is that you (all 10s of you) will be a source of encouragement, support and can offer advice when I am deep in the trenches. Any derogatory comments left will be deleted. This is a tough enough journey without discouragement. So I ask this very humbly: please keep me in your thoughts and prayers while I attempt to scale this mountain ahead of me.